Jiaenelideman

2012-01-30T11:32:00.003+08:00

Rain is grace

2012-01-30T02:57:00.009+08:00

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

Joyce and i spent 2 nights together and y'know how you'll tend to forget all your troubles when you're with friends?

That was how i felt. After she went home, i feel like im all alone again. My home, it feels like a shell bc i seldom talk to my family too.

Everytime when im back at home, all the things i didnt want to think about just came back into my mind automatically and i friggin' hate it.

Worst of all, when i woke up today, i got a text from Gary (=..=) After reading his text i felt so fucked up i'dk what to do.

Plus he kept reminding me of our past. Although the past about us he mentioned were good stuffs, but in my flashbacks, there were only all the bad things he did.

Bc the bad things he did can actually cover up ALL the good moments we had.

Then, i replied him...

Its like the things i replied back to him were all about what happened to me during last year just that i cut it in short. Ehy.... actually i didnt even specifically tell him what happened, i just babbled a bunch of shits and while i was replying,

at the same time, my mind had flashbacks about everything that had happened last year.

I didnt know why i started telling him all those stuffs either. Its like after i hit the send button then i realised what i was actually doing. zzz.

And, i had a friend. I couldnt use the "real me" to talk to him at all. He didnt allow it. He said its bc he's afraid that people are gonna talk shits about me.

But i think the real reason is bc he's afraid of people talking craps about him bc he's flirting with alot of girls. Okeh seriously i dont even care if he's flirting or not bc we're only friends (=..=) its bc of him, he's the caused of the whole damn problem that i have to hide behind a guy's status to talk to him. Z.

How pathetic is that LOL. I find it too suffocating to be friends with him so eventually i stopped talking to him much.

Plus in the first place, why will people talk shits about me when i did nothing? So his excuse is fucking crappy that even an idiot is not gonna believe it. Laughs. (I actually thought he's a good friend at first but then again, everyone in my life is a user + liar just that i didnt expect myself to meet someone so wtf again this soon, so, yeah.)

I dont even know how to explain what i wanna post right now. Its like a fucking mixture of feelings but the only thing i can feel really clearly right now, is emptiness.

I'dk if im the one who chased everyone out of my life bc i dont even believe anyone anymore apart from Joyce and my family.

And i do know one thing is that, i typed loads of nonsense in this post that didnt make any bit of sense at all. zzz.

But i feel so much better after typing it out!

Im only 18... but why do i have to face cunning people that only adults are facing? Plus i'hv started defending myself against all kinds of people since 14.

Ahhhh, enough of the stupid talks about my life.

Now, its gonna be pictures of me and Joyce! (^..^)

We played with the makeups we did 2 years back!!

Did we improve??????

I'dk why i really enjoy doing makeups like this. Not for going out, just for taking photos! Probably bc time will pass by fast and my mind is all about makeups for that period of time instead of other things.

Even if its only for 3 minutes, its still a bliss.

And the reason i kept saying 3 minutes instead of 4 or 5 minutes is bc i really like listening to a song that sounds god damn relaxing i swear it feels like nothing bad can hurt you. ~

FOAMS ARE FUN BY THE WAY! ~

Boring chinese new year yawnz

2012-01-24T21:29:00.003+08:00

Excluding those money for Chinese New Year, the rest are just plain boring. ($_$)

Anyway, i hope this year will get better even though...... my nightmare is starting in approximately 8 days. Wish me luck to get out of that stupid "compulsory" company dinner on 7th Feb.

Ahh, hell.. theres no such word as compulsory in my life.

Im not arguing. Im simply explaining why im right.

2012-01-16T23:20:00.015+08:00

Dont tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon.

And if women didn't exist, all the money in this world would have no meaning at all.

Okeh. i just LOL-ED at one of the messages being sent to me by my secondary school classmates. Like seriously???

You people gave Joyce and i so much unhappy memories back then and now you all have the boody cheeks to say HI, DO YOU REMEMBER ME? (-..-)

Go to hell. Z.

Plus, i dont like to forgive + forget so all of what they did has been etched into my mind since then.

Anyway, why do people nowadays let me feel like they're living in their own damn world. Its like they expect you to listen to them, but they never ever listens to you.

Worst of all, after you finished talking about your own stuffs, they just acted like you havent said one word at all and jump straight to their topic.

All most everyone i know behave in this manner and thats why i fucking hate to talk to them. Whats up with this living-in-the-own-world thing? Zzz.

Add-on to yesterday's post!

2012-01-16T00:48:00.000+08:00

I totally forgot to mention...

YES!!!!!!

While Joyce was filling up her job form yesterday, i bought a unicorn for myself! :D

Even though i got caught eventually and need to go through her rounds of nagging, but FINALLY, AT LEAST I BOUGHT A NEW TOY! ;)

AND I GOT THIS DOLL BELOW IN A MINI-VERSION. THE NEXT TOY I WANNA BUY IS GONNA BE A SUPER BIG-SIZE OF HER! I ALREADY KNOW WHERE TO BUY IT!!! (♥-♥)

>:'(

2012-01-15T01:47:00.004+08:00

So, i went out with Joyce today to collect the bestfriend necklaces we made together last week. Plus she also found a job. We're working in the same mall but different place though.

Aha! So we're both starting on February next month just that mine's 1st and her's 2nd. My nightmare is coming soon. T.T

THATS WHY I HATE GROWING UP AND WHY DO WE HAVE TO GO THEOUGH ALL OF THAT! >:'(

*This is like the 5th ice-cream cone im eating right now*

Yeah, anyway, the necklaces look like this :

Seriously, i luv the necklaces so much :D

While customizing this 2 necklaces, i got so fucking angry i could blast having to explain to the person whos gonna submit our design to whoever-the-dang-person is.

Bc she kept trying to change the damn design when i DO NOT want it. (=..=)

Then later after collecting the necklaces, i went out of the mall to have a break. Then Joyce told me she needed to go off to the toilet urgently.

Okeh seriously at that moment i just felt vehveh weird bc she never ever leave like that. But without asking much, i went around looking at toys after she left (My fave! I luv toys ♥-♥)

I dont know if its bc Joyce and i have been friends for far too long or whatever, but i just know that shes gonna buy something for me, so i went to buy her fave Eeyore (i dont understand whats so cute about Eeyore...) soft toy for her and by the time she came back to the spot where she asked me to wait for her,

JUST NICE I WAS WALKING BACK TOO! AND LUCKY FOR THAT OTHERWISE I'LL GET NAG AT AGAIN!

i knew it. She handed me a wrapped up present and i passed the Eeyore to her too. ~ Aha ;)

AND GUESS WHAT SHE GAVE ME?!?!?!

THIS :

THE MOMENT I SAW THIS I WENT WTF-ING ALL THE WAY!

SHE EDITED THIS PHOTO LAST NIGHT THEN WENT TO PRINT IT OUT JUST NOW AND PUT IT INTO THAT FRAME!! :@

WHAT AN UGLY PIC OF US BY THE WAY!

THE PHOTO BELOW LOOKS SO MUCH BETTER! (♥-♥)

And i realise having thick-skin isnt of much use bc im still sick and its getting so bloody worst i wish i can exchange my throat and nose with someone else. T.T

I luv myself muamua♥

OH AND WORST OF ALL I NEED TO GET UP AT 6AM LATER TOGETHER WITH JOYCE TO ACCOMPANY SH TO THE GOD-DAMN HOSPITAL!!!

LIKE SERIOUSLY? ITS ALREADY 3.25AM AND I WONDER HOW AM I GOING TO GET THROUGH MY DAY LATER BEING SO DAMN TIRED T.T

SAVE. ME.

I AM SICKKKK! WHY NOW..... T.T

2012-01-12T23:35:00.013+08:00

It feels like the world has been frozen. T.T

Sickness took my cuteness away. (#_#)

AND BC 23RD IS NEARING THATS WHY IM SO UNLUCKY TO GET SICK RIGHT NOW!!! :@

.
.
.
.
.
.
.

(CARTOON ABOVE + ME = [♥-♥])

This is the saddest day of my life bc i am sick!

SICK

T.T

I am so happy (♥-♥)

2012-01-11T23:51:00.005+08:00

I wanted to buy new toys for myself yesterday but Joyce dont allow. T.T she threatened me too! What a bad friend. ( :D )

And i survived through her rounds of nagging about money again!!!! AHA! ♥♥♥ I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF!!!

From yesterday onwards, i'hv been living in heaven BECAUSE I BOUGHT SOMETHING!!! (♥-♥) (except for the nagging part!)

AND THAT REMINDS ME! MY PIANO IS STILL IN I.C.U AND I AM VEHVEH ANGRY I SWEAR MY HEAD IS GONNA SPIN AND SHOOT RIGHT OUT THE GOD DAMN WINDOW ANYTIME! :@

(♥-♥) I am so cute today. ~

What a day to start off with. Zzz.

2012-01-09T21:29:00.001+08:00

Im so angry i can blast right now. -..- I dont know who the fuck meddle with my piano now the whole thing's spoiled.

What the fuck? Especially when you wake up one morning and realise it on your own without anyone telling and nobody wants to own up. z.

Bestfriends for 6 years starting from 2012 (^..^) - True tears

2012-01-09T01:38:00.012+08:00

If only time can stop and wont move on any longer... Cus i feel that i dont have enough time to complete everything i wanna do, and then i cant get back alot of things in life. T.T

For example, my cuteness. HAHAHAHA :D

One morning when i woke up, i received a video from Joyce. A video that she'll make every year for me since 2010. (Okeh she just started making videos for 2 years but ahya! I know there'll be more to come in future! ;D)

Dont know if its bc i just woke up or something, but then it was a surprise to me. I felt vehveh happy at that moment bc she still remembered a bunch of stuffs we did for the past 5 years! (This year just started, so no memories yet!)

In response to her video, i made one back to her! Im not gonna post out the video cus it'll corrupt with my blogsong so, yeah. ~

For Roslyn, we just started being friends for a year, so theres not much memories yet, plus shes someone who dont look back at all, while i do - alot. So no video for her! :@

Anyway, i'hv included photos of Joyce and i since we were... 13? Yeah!

Okeh here goes :

We look so cute when we were 13 ;) AHA!

I still remember i was sick on this day and we were only 14. Ehyyyy, i think we skipped morning assembly that day and hide in the toilet? HAHAHA! I feel like laughing whenever i think back.

Webcamming at 3am and i remembered that day in a few hours' time we were gonna be having N level exam! Cus we cant sleep, too scared of the test if im not wrong.

This picture was taken last year. Joyce and i just started off in ITE.

I dont know why, throughout all these times even when theres new friends who come into my life, at the end of the day, its always Joyce whos there for me when im upset and stuffs. It has always been like this for these past 6 years.

While the rest, they pretended to care, when in fact, they're just kehpos only. LOL.

Oh, and, ever since those crazy days out, these past few days i'hv been cooping myself at home to read so that i wont forget how to spell some certain words! :@

Plus, i cant really read chinese, there was once i cant even write my own chinese name when told to do so cus i'hv forgotten.

And i need to pick up my uniform on tuesday - for work. I'hv decided im gonna work for the coming 3 years. And then i'll decide what to do later on cus im completely lost right now. z.

Its like ever since i quit school i dont wanna think about the future thats why i'hv been dreading 2012. I feel like im gonna live another nightmare once again every new year starts.

HATE

GROWING

AND

WHY

CANT

KID

FOREVER

Ahhhh, this is gonna be one crappy year.

And i changed couple again. -..- everytime when the ring's level is going higher, problems always cropped up last minute and leads to the ring being broken. ~

I wonder how long can this one last for now. Laughs. ~

And i hate Daisy ring vehveh much bc it looks so ugly im gonna hurl. Ew. Like the one my grandma's wearing.

******* AND ROSLYN POY YOU THIS STUPID IDIOT I AM VEHVEH ANGRY AT YOU RIGHT NOW AND EVERYDAY! JOYCE AND I ALREADY DONT HAVE MUCH TIME TO MEET UP WITH YOU FROM NEXT MONTH ONWARDS

AND THAT IS WHY WE'RE TREASURING EVERY MOMENT TO GO OUT NOW AND YET ALL YOU CARE ABOUT IS THAT BLOODY CBP AND TAGGING YOUR EXP!!!!!

LVL 73 ALREADY THEN??? YOU WILL PLAY AUDITIONSEA UNTIL YOU 99 YEARS OLD MEH!!!! :@

NO RIGHT?!?!?! (#_#) *******

Growing up.

2012-01-03T18:13:00.000+08:00

Y'knw whats the part i hate the most about growing up? Its when things have to change and end, then move on to another step of life.

Bc i hate changes. Changes always change people's relationship and friendship among them. Growing up isnt the end of the world, but still, i'll lose some things that i'dw to. Its like some people just cant understand.

They keep giving me those kinda craps whereby growing up is just part of life, and saying that its what everyone has to go through.

And who on earth doesnt knw that? -..-

Its just about the things that i'll lose okeh.

I'dw my friends and i to drift apart bc of works and stuffs.

Although 2011 is just one short year but theres alot of things that happened it felt like 5 years has passed.

And i feel exceptionally emotional everytime when a new years starts and the old one ends i'dk why. -..-

Anyway, my 2011 ended pretty badly and 2012 started off crappy.

Plus, theres some people i regretted knowing in life last year. They made things super ugly and it seemed like the world is all about money, making use of people and stuffs.

I'll never forget them in this lifetime LOL bc they taught me some really important lessons in life.

Thanks ah, ahguas. (-..-)

But i hope i'll never have to meet people like y'all again. ~

Yeah, and from this year onwards im not gonna have as much time as before. (I dont even want to think about it but i cant help it.)

So i hope i'll spend this January happily bc then on February = nightmare starts.

Money-minded people and funny pictures. ($_$)

2011-12-02T16:46:00.004+08:00

Rey and i both have a new facebook display picture and they were being edited by Joyce. I never did realise nor notice that guys can look so beautiful with makeups on that i wna puke. At least not until today.

W-T-F maximum.

Okeh la. My display picture is actually pretty sexy and its turning me on. ;)

(This is my facebook display picture)

And

(This is Rey's facebook display picture)

Fyi, this is not really cyber-bullying. Bc their looks were changed so drastically that no one could'hv recognised them anyway.

Bc when Joyce showed me both the "before" and "after" photos i was taken aback too. Not that it mattered much.

Yeah, liars and users dont deserve sympathy at all.

Y'know what? Im fucking done. All most everyone in my life is being such a user and worst of all, a liar.

Plus, i also realised that everyone around me are so fucking money-minded that they can do everything or say anything just to get that lil' bit of money.

Money caused people's relationships and friendships to break.

I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE DO THAT!

I honestly despise people who can do anything for $$ especially when its going to hurt people around them, people whom they claimed that they care about. Why look at money in a way like its so much more important than kinship?

AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY RECENTLY, ALL MOST ALL OF MY BLOG POSTS ARE ABOUT LIARS, USERS AND MONEY!!!!

FUCK. IF I CONTINUE ON, WILL I BECOME A MONEY-MINDED FREAK LIKE THEM????

I DONT WANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And srsly they are so full of nonsense, everyday.

Ah, just go to hell you money-minded freaks. ($_$)

Friggin' retarded.

HAHAHA, in future when you see me, my face will be like ($_$) !!!!!

Laughs. You are waaaaay past my expiry date.

2011-11-27T11:54:00.001+08:00

Okeh, i can never get enough of you being miserable. (I am not heartless, i just chose not to give a fuck bc you're just some dumb shit.)

Once you made me mad, good luck to you. (^..^)

Go on and talk somemore. Sometimes i wonder if you're a girl in guy's disguise. Plus, you have the money to flirt around, to go for mahjong session,

yet you refuse to return me back. Laughs maximum. Your lies are piling higher each day. And right from the start you already lied, just that i failed to see it until now.

The funniest thing you ever told me as quoted from you was, "I dont lie, i hate liars and i hate lying. You can trust me."

Just a reminder for you boy,

i always get what i want. ~

(#_#) I. AM. VERY. VERY. ANGRY!!!! No amount of honeystar will put out the fire.

2011-11-25T17:56:00.016+08:00

Ahhhh, hell. (#_#)

Everytime when i get to know someone new, i always ask myself if that person is gonna end up being my salvation or doom.

And quite a plenty turned out to be crappy people and definitely the doom in my life.

Anyway! I broke my gladius ring bc i cannot tolerate sharing the same ring with someone who constantly talks shit about me,

i dont care if you want to crap about me, but just make sure the things you said are real, too bad it isnt, so....

-poof-

ring gone. (He said he didnt though. But whatever. I dont care. I know he did.)

A guy who craps about people waaaaay more than a girl does, is completely beyond hope. ~

Okeh, just go to hell.

And right now, im rebuilding my ring and garden again! Im still stuck at Saffron. (#_#) What the fuck. But lucky this guy whom im sharing that ring with, does NOT talk shit like a girl.

People who lie dont deserve any second chance. People who cheat dont deserve any second chance either.

If you're really sorry about it, in the first place you wouldn't have done what you did and

if you're sorry then you're sorry theres no BUTS.

Selfish and stingy people are major turn offs.

Right now, i am an angry woman who havent had her honeystar yet so im off to go get some! :@

HONEYSTARS!!!!!!

:') Rainy mood

2011-10-26T07:38:00.006+08:00

Everyday, life's the same. Doing the same old things, living in the same old place, facing the same people. Go to school when we were young, then started working when we got older.

And in the end, we'll still die of old age / sickness, so whats the point in fighting for survival right here on Earth?

And some people even selfishly betray their own family / friends just for themselves, bc they can gain benefit out of it.

All the lies, started to pile up higher and higher each day.

Theres no ending to all these.

_|_

2011-10-18T15:16:00.000+08:00

Damn, you really pissed me off so badly and now i hate you so much more than i already do. Quit lying.

Whats fucking wrong with you. -..-

I removed you from my pb bc i dont want a liar to know my life.

A shortshort post from a vehveh tired girl namely me. ~ ^..^

2011-04-02T02:13:00.000+08:00

School holiday is ending soon, which is a total bummer. Plus i totally forgot about that Java project work given by Mr. Sugundha to Roslyn and me. (I wish someone smart would save us from that hell load of shit right now before we drown in Mr.Sugundha's bullshit crap when school starts.)

Okeh, so heres another thing. Joyce totally scared the shit outta me a few days back by going near a Jellyfish which im sure, is gonna sting us real bad if it touches us.

I canNOT deal with another thing thats gonna cause me a heart-attack again even though its kinda fun bc well, we were surrounded by 4 Jellyfishes but then only 1 of it was so friggin' near us i thought i was gonna die. HAHA!

Things are a lil' crazy now, in a good way. ~

Ohhhhhh, i totally luv my fangs alot, you do too, dont you? AHAHAHA! ~

I luv snail everyday and i missed Joyce.

2011-03-28T02:21:00.004+08:00

Hell, ever since school started, Joyce and i didnt really have as much time together as before. Sometimes i kinda missed the old times when we were still young and fooling around.

Different class with a different class schedule really made us and alot of things different. Anyway, i meet up with Joyce 2 days ago and we took some pictures.

Time dont really exist in my life anymore. ~ And bc of that, i feel that everything is totally boring me out.

I know this is random, but i kinda hate the sun. It always hurt my eyes alot. If only everyday is gonna be night. D:

And y'know what? After browsing through my photo folders, i realised i didnt have much memories of 1010 with me.

The photos are so little i actually feel kinda upset about it. Ohwell. Nevermind. ~

Moments ago, i was just wondering if losing everything in life is a part of growing up?

I am abit crappy today i have no idea why. And when i do know, hell will freeze over.

Okeh seriously i dont think im making sense right now. I think i'll just stop here.

Issues with trust and hell, im gonna make Mr. Sugandha so sorry for ignoring me on every thursday and friday by handing in my assignments on time! >:'(

2011-03-04T03:12:00.001+08:00

I luv [insert name]

Im barely alive.

I. Dont. Have. Enough. Sleep. Everyday. And. I. Want. My. Sleep. NOW. )':

Okeh basically, i just slacked my days off this week. I also realised that if i continue not doing anything about my life im gonna be dead as hell bc everyone will be passing their exams / tests with flying colours while i'll be rotting right here, whining about my pathetic life on this blog.

So tell me about it. Its like i dont want to study but yet i do not want to fail. So what the hell am i supposed to do??????

Oh yeah, and theres tons of assignments Mr. Sugandha has been giving off and y'know whats the worst part about it? I havent even get a single one of them done. ~

He has been kinda ignoring me, treating me like an invisible kid during his damn lessons and as much as i hated it, i'hv made up my mind to hand up ALL of my assignments on time!!! IM GONNA PROVE HIM SOOOOOO WRONG FOR GIVING ME A "You're-just-wasting-your-life-away" ATTITUDE!

Now, the next big thing is, this is only my second month in school and already i got a warning letter for my hundred times hundred of absence in class.

Yeah, i got a shitty warning letter just like that. SERIOUSLY CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS?????

I swear to my dolls that i will not be late for as long as im attending school and i wont be absent in class unless its really necessary and lastly, i'll hand in all of my assignments on time otherwise i'll dump all dolls in the trash!!! (Its a pretty big swearing i gotta make considering the fact that i luv dolls as much as i luv my family, so, yeah!)

ALSO,

more and more lies are filling up my life as each day passed. I didnt want to be put in a place(yes, a place!) and to deal with it everyday.

I dont get whats up with all the lies. And to think that i used to trust that particular person so much. But not anymore. ~

Plus recently, im getting really, really annoyed and pissed off by a girl who disgusts me so much with her daily actions. Seriously, i dont do ugly. (I really, really need a longlong break to prepare myself for a life that is gonna be full of shit bc its clear that i gotta face shitty people like this everyday. What the hell.)

That girl, is a freak. Period.

OKEH IF YOU WANNA BE A TWO-FACED BITCH, AT LEAST MAKE ONE OF YOUR FACES PRETTY!!!

Okeh, whatever it is, we already know you're a total fake. Maybe you should just quit lying. Bc if theres more and more people finding out about you, i promise things are not gonna be pretty ^..^

You look like a freaking duck, no offence though. Aha! ;-)

Give me a few days and i promise i'll be back! ~

2011-02-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

I really, really want to update my blog, its not that i dont, i honestly do! But look, mixpod isnt working right now and i cant get the song that i wanted for my blog.

They said its under maintenance, ugh, whatever shit that is - they are ALWAYS under maintenance okeh. (they should just fix the problem once and for all and not drag on and on for, like, ever!)

I'hv already finished the post im going to blog about and its currently in the draft right now. I swear i'll post it up as soon as mixpod begins to work again! ~

2011-02-05T18:27:00.004+08:00

Merry meet, Satan.

I totally have a vehveh good excuse for being gone on too long! I feel like my life is soooo over now. )':

2011-02-04T23:46:00.006+08:00

Okeh hell! Here i am! I havent been updating for a month and its not exactly my fault. Blame it on the hellhole i'hv been attending everyday now minus the Saturdays and Sundays. Its really tiring me out so much.

Y'know, school's good. And by good, i meant i'hv made plenty of friends and stuffs BUT THATS NOT GOING TO CHANGE THE FACT THAT THE SCHOOL STILL STINKS LIKE A RAT'S HOLE!!! Eeesh! (I wonder if they even clean up the school at all!!)

I especially canNOT stand being in the school's toilet and honestly, not even for a second ugh! Major vomitage and eew, its gonna be an unpleasant sight!

Talking about toilets that stink are TOO DEPRESSING! And since i'hv been gone for too long, i know you guys must'hv missed me alot right!! :-D (Its fine to be thick-skinned once in a while! HARHAR!)

Awwwwwww okeh, im gonna post a photo of me before i continue talking about "Depressing Things."

Okeh, just so you're clear, i dont actually wear my makeup outside like that. Bc GROSS! I mean lipstick? Like seriously!!! I dont even like lipstick!

Also, i dont have a clue what all teachers were talking about in all of the classes and its been a MONTH already!

I believe facebook is the only webpage i'hv been visiting from Monday to Friday during school hours and thats sooooo not what i wanted.

Shit, y'know what? I hate my life in this current school. Im practically doing nothing in class everyday.

But even so, i dont have a choice. I gotta use this as my "stepping stone" and then im sure as hell gonna dump this "stone" away once im done with it in life.

I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS GONNA BE MY LIFE FOR 2 FUCKING YEARS!!!!!!!! )':

Ahhh crap! Tell me, SINCE WHEN have i ever gotten the things i wanted in life for once?!?! No, since never.

Still, im freaking out about the school toilet! >:'(

I'hv also made a mental note to myself that im not gonna be late for school starting from Monday onwards. I'll also promise myself i'll never miss a single day of school ever again unless im really, really sick!

I dont want to have bad attendance, i dont want people to judge me again like last year. Since im in a brand new school, with brand new classmates, then i should have a brand new start too!

OHMYGOD, I TOTALLYY FORGOT TO MENTION THAT ITS SO COOL THAT NO ONE ACTUALLY KNOWS ME IN CLASS BC THEN I HAVE A NEW BEGINNING AGAIN!

Seriously, i totally luv that! ~

Hypervantilating (SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

2011-01-09T22:40:00.001+08:00

Ah, crap crap crap!!!! School's starting tomorrow and IM SO NOT READY FOR IT!!!!!!!!!

I can already see my head spinning like a tornado and shoot right out the window when school starts!!!! And its definitely not a pleasant sight!

AND Y'KNOW WHAT?????? I CANT SHAKE OFF THAT SHITTY FEELING FORMING IN MY STOMACH WHENEVER I THOUGHT ABOUT THE DAMN SCHOOL!!!

Not to be mean about that school but it stinks.(By stink, i dont mean it sucked. It just smells horribly wrong. Ugh!)

HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE IN STINKY-HELL?????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think i might puke. Majorly.

Im feeling like crap NOW! And probably EVERYDAY as well!!!! )':

Drowning in my own lungs tissue and die in a pool of blood

2011-01-06T09:06:00.003+08:00

I'hv never been so afraid to go to a doctor in my whole living life, ever. Okeh, i had lungs-infection when i was about 10 and it completely healed!!!! And guess what? It came back.

This is the crappiest thing that has ever happened to me and its even worst than that damn crushed beetle, cockroach and lizard.

I was literally coughing up a lung for about a week and my mom kinda forced me to the doctor a few days back and there, i have lungs-infection again! (And i kid you not, it IS terrible!!! I all most wanted to rip my lungs off!!!!)

You would NOT believe just how many pills and syrups i gotta force down my throat EVERY SINGLE SOLITARY DAY and i tell you, i dont think i can take it anymore. *sticks finger down my throat*

All these medications are going to make me gag up so badly one fine day that there wont be another tomorrow for me. :'(

ONE MORE THING!!! Those medicines that i'd taken is making my hands tremble so badly i kind of look like a drug addict who has been drugging myself for 17 years. (Okeh, how the hell am i going to hold up a pen and write when school starts?!?!?!)

JUST HOW AM I GOING TO WRITE?!?!?!?!?!

Also, the thing with being a new kid in a completely different school is still freaking me out i wish i could dig up a hole and hide forever.

I feel that i look like some living-dead girl in the picture above which is kinda funny! HARHARHAR.

Harhar. Hell, i just woke up and then i wanted to snap a picture of myself = the picture above. xD

My mom keeps ranting at me for not going to the doctor earlier which resulted to this. (How the hell was i supposed to know things were so serious? I mean, i thought it was just a normal cough. I think im going to look like crap for about at least a month)

Whenever i feel like crap i'll look like one too

2010-12-29T05:05:00.003+08:00

Okeh seriously, Mr Vanity totally looked gay to me even though he isnt one. Also, i just realised now that lots of guys were trying to have the Bieber-hair which is sooooo not cool at all.

Honestly speaking, i do not like Justin Bieber veh much. I dont understand why lots of girls go gaga over him. Is he really that beautiful??? HARHAR! (Just please, do not answer this)

AND CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT I ACTUALLY STEPPED ON A DAMN BEETLE TODAY?!?!?!! HELLO??? I TOTALLY STEPPED ON IT WITHOUT SHOES ON, AT HOME!!!

It was the worst thing that ever happened to me in my life and probably for the rest of my life too! What a nightmare.....

Also, the beetle totally crushed under my foot. ;-)

On second thoughts, i dont think i want to let you guys see photos of me when i was 9/10 bc its friggin' ugly i believe you'll hurl.

Or maybe im going to? .... I dont know.

But then again, what is the point, right? Ahhh... we shall see again bc i have a killer headache that seems to attach itself permanently right inside to my brain. (Headaches do hurt the brains, dont they? Bc i dont know which part of the head that headache belongs to)

I think im going to die.

Christmas Star

2010-12-25T07:26:00.007+08:00

Okeh, i drew(and already finished it into a video. Smart huh! =D Someday im going to show you guys the 2 videos) some images and made them into a short story again like my previous post, only this time, its related to christmas! (Like, obviously. Harhar!)

So, here goes :

Forgot to add "ed" to "crop"!!! So sorry!!!! I just realised it after completing everything but i cant change it bc then i would have to redo the whole thing and i dont want to!!!!! >:'(

It took me forever to draw these images and complete the video!!!!!!

and..... When i was young, i used to luv Frosty the Snowman.

Okeh again like what i said in my previous post, watching the video is waaaaaay better than just looking at plain images.

Its 7.31AM already so im going to bed now!

Merry Christmas to all! =D

No friends bc i was ugly. HELLO????? Thanks a whole lot to my ugliness my primary school life sucked badly! I'hv also drawn a few pictures to make up a short story :-D

2010-12-23T05:28:00.002+08:00

I really, really want to have plastic surgery when im of legal age. Im vehveh upset with the way i look. (Honestly, dont crap about saying things like, "we should be happy with what we have." Its complete and utter bullshit.)

Plus i feel kinda panicky when theres someone better looking than me walking my way, ALWAYS. Maybe im just lack of self-confidence and all but still.....

Im just tired of being laughed at being the ugliest since primary school and bc of that, i have NO FRIENDS. Imagine all the poo i gotta deal with when i was just a kid.

Im not kidding. Seriously, people mocked at me for being ugly and i got really pissed then and there. I was just about 9 to 10 years old.

Yeah, i admit im like, the ugliest girl in my whole entire primary school with my dorky specs and short hair but imagine people telling that straight to your face!

Even though many years passed by, but those horrible scenarios where people told me im ugly has been etched into my mind ever since.

Talk about hags/jerks from hell. I cannot forget every single horrible things people said to me no matter how long ago it happened.

Its totally hellacious for me back in primary school. I often wondered if the problem lies with me and i still do right now. It just sucks to be ugly.

Anyway, i'll probably be posting up pictures of me when i was a baby, to a primary school kid and then now. Then you guys can see why people often called me ugly and im still pissed by it okeh!!!!!

I know everything here sounds dramatic and fake but cross my heart and hope to die its the truth.

Okeh, i also drew some really childish(but its cute to me) pictures and made them into a short story! Harharhar! :-D

So, i shall present you with my really CUTE forever........

Picture 1 :

Picture 2 :

Picture 3 :

Picture 4 :

Picture 5 :

Picture 6 :

Picture 7 :

And lastly, Picture 8 :

Again, i feel smart after completing the above images. HARHARHAR!

And guess what? I'hv already made them into a video!!!!!! So right now, i feel double-smart!!!!! :-D

It definitely look waaaaaay better in video than right here with just plain images.

Mixture of stuffs in this post so..... its TITLE-LESS (Harhar! Untitled)

2010-12-16T02:45:00.001+08:00

Everywhere on the net i go to, everyone's talking about "Friday / N level results". I know its a really big deal so we can decide where to go in future (either get your ass back in Hs and continue sec5 or get out of there and switch to another school) BUT,

its sickeningly annoying to see it everywhere. Plus, im not in the least bit interested nor am i excited about it, unlike everyone else.

Bc it means we have to go to school again. I do not want that to happen, ever. And it equals to growing up too, which i would rather stay a teenager forever. (Seriously, sometimes i just cant move ahead in life. Actually its more like i dont want to.)

Okeh anyway, i really luv my dog so much. He's getting cuter as each day passed by although a lil' stinky :

My rabbit jumped around as though mad disease had permanently attached itself to him when i pointed the camera at my cute lil' puffball so im unable to get a picture. >:'(

Stupid music stories (you can choose to skip this post bc its practically crap BUT DO NOT skip my animated dancer thankyewehmuch! :-D)

2010-12-15T19:05:00.009+08:00

I'hv been going to youtube alot recently. (Only when im done with the chores and actually have some time to myself, alone)

Okeh so.... i looked up for songs which i hadnt listened to in ages and when i say "in ages", i really mean a long, long time ago.
.
.
.

I did found a pretty cute song at last, which consisted of 2 songs being mushed into 1. And hell, after listening to it, i realised.......

how much i used to luv those songs individually but not anymore and i have no idea why!!!! I kinda dislike the singers who sung those songs too. (But miraculously, that 2 songs just kinda attracted me, in a way.)

Whatever. Im going to change my blogsong soon. (Like maybe tomorrow? Or the day after tomorrow?) This eerie lil' musicbox melody is creeping me out after awhile.

Also, i havent been touching my piano lately. Seriously, i dont even have much time for myself unless i stay up for the whole night and sleep only when the sun rises.

Shitty much?

Totally worn out.

2010-12-13T07:30:00.002+08:00

I'll be blogging only about once to twice a week nowadays until next year bc my maid went back to her country and my mom (she totally took a month off from work just to do shit at home) couldnt cope with the house chores alone so.....

yupp, i'll be helping her. Seriously doing house chores are really killing me bc i never do a single washing, mopping, sweeping, etc. in my whole entire life except for now.

It was hard as hell and i totally felt like poo after a day and now, i'll be getting some sleep plus its already 7.21AM in the morning. Ahhhh, hell....

You would so totally never believe that i. am. doing. house. chores. BC SERIOUSLY???????? I DONT KNOW HOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I dont even know how to cook PLAIN porridge, the simplest food in this whole entire world!!! (okeh DO NOT count instant noodles inside here. I mean, even a retard knows how to handle that!)

I AM LIKE THE WORST PERSON LIVING ON EARTH BC I DONT KNOW HOW TO COOK PLAIN PORRIDGE.

I dont even like entering the kitchen to cook unless theres a need to. And yeah, you'hv guessed it, i will only be cooking instand noodles!

Man.

AND...............

WHEN'S THE ASSTARD NEW MAID GONNA COME?!?!?!?!?!!!!!! I DONT WANT TO DO ANY MORE OF THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, i kinda knew. It would probably take the new maid about a month or so to come, which means..... i. am. so. gonna. be. dead.

Im sorry, just a short update with a few pictures. Im like vehveh tired right now and my brain cant function enough to let me do a proper post.

2010-12-10T00:14:00.002+08:00

Im waaaaay into Cherokee Legends lately and i'hv been reading them online - ALOT. Queen Tsi Sgili can actually kill people with her mind and thats majorly cool even though shes bad.

If im able to kill people with my mind like Queen Tsi Sgili, i'll totally do it to people i dislike without hesitation!!!!!! xD harharhar!

Anyway, i wanted to draw a Raven Mocker on my face minus the human arms and legs but too bad, i failed. But im gonna try it again any time soon.

Plus, im soooooo NOT done with the makeups i did with Joyce the other time so here i am again, continuing it.

Okeh, its not as nice as those pictures i posted a few days back(?) but still, i can sum it all up into a word : Fun

LIKE I NEED ANYMORE BAD THINGS HAPPENING TO ME RIGHT NOW! LOOK, I JUST CRUSHED A ROACH TO DEATH TOGETHER WITH MY SISTER AND BELIEVE ME,

THE DEATH SCENE WAS HIGHLY DISTURBING AND I STILL CANT FORGET ABOUT IT!!!!!!

Ewwww, sucks to be a Roach i guess.

Killed

2010-12-06T04:16:00.003+08:00

People who cannot stand gruesome pictures please do not scroll down, ever.

My sister and i killed a fucking damn Roach and it wasted 45 minutes of our life away. Yeah, you'hv guessed it : The picture of this dead Roach is definitely as gruesome and disgusting as the dead Lizard i accidentally killed some time ago.

In case you people forgot how the supposedly dead Lizard look like, here it is :

And the dead Roach? Okeh seriously, here it is but DO NOT BARF!!!!!! :

I think im about to throw up any time now. Talk about disturbing.... Ah, hell...

Its like the first Roach and Lizard i'hv ever killed in my whole damn life even though one of them was by accident.

But damn, its still GROSS.

I had to clear the Roach's body bc my sister was afraid to. And its the FIRST time i'hv ever been so close to a Roach even if its a dead one. (Okeh basically i had to use LOTS of tissues to grab that body up in order for me to flush it down the toilet bowl.)

Also, i swear that its gonna be the LAST TIME i'll ever be so dang near to a Roach whether dead or alive.

YOU HAD NO IDEA HOW MUCH OF A SACRIFICE IT WAS FOR ME TO CLEAR UP THAT BODY!!!!!!!!

Playing makeups with Joyce the Ghost-girl. (Cross my heart and hope to die those makeups on our faces were real, not edited)

2010-12-03T03:20:00.003+08:00

I had a blast with Joyce just now. What we were doing..... okeh it was like a child's play. (Playing with mommy's makeups except it was mine we played with. Harhar :-D )

I tell you it was friggin' hard getting those makeups OFF our faces after we're done playing with it. I ALL MOST look like a walking blue ghost.

Joyce, on the other hand, looked like a REAL GHOST. Dont believe? See for yourself. (She edited her picture by herself BUT THE MAKEUPS ON HER FACE WERE REAL. Im just posting it here. Yupp, AND IT SCARED THE BEEJEZUSS OUTTA ME WHEN I FIRST SAW IT!!!! Its nice, really, but at the same time waaaaaaay scary!!!!)

YOU SEEEEEEEE?!?!?!?!?!?!? AND IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR PICTURE EVEN THOUGH ITS NICELY EDITED!!!! Okeh crap, i wont be able to sleep later.......

(Oh hi! Im mask-girl!)

Yeah, okeh, i know. I look like crap here. BUT EVERY GIRL WILL PUT ON WEIRD FACES when applying makeups so its not much of a big deal. Plus i totally pinned up my fringes so i look even more like poo.

This is the completed one. It didnt turn out as nice as i wanted it to be BUT, for first attempt, i think i did okeh. (It didnt turn out as nice bc of my "itchy hands". I keep drawing and drawing while waiting for Joyce to finish up with her makeups until the marks filled ALL MOST my whole face. )

(Ghost-girl and Mask-girl. Hehe.)

I know the makeups on our faces looked vehveh fake from the picture above but i really have no idea why!!! It just turned out this way after i edited the contrast and put it to greyscale-mode. (The stitches on my lips were fake.)

Actually i have about 60+ pictures of Joyce and i with the makeups on but i decided to post only those i find it okeh which were all the above.

I mean yeah, it sounds crazy we took 60+ pictures but thats true AND of course you dont expect me to post THAT MANY pictures here, right? So, yupp. Thats about it. :-)

Sorry bout' that! I'hv been posting up things that comes into my mind recently even though it totally doesnt make even a lil' sense

2010-11-27T05:58:00.007+08:00

LOOK, IM TOTALLY FREAKING OUT RIGHT HERE!!!!!

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO IN A REALLY, REALLY GIHUGIC SCHOOL IN THE STATUS OF A YEAR 1 STUDENT??!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Okeh, not yet. But still.............)

SHITZ! THE THOUGHT OF IT IS MAKING ME GAG AND STILL, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

GIRNOMOUS LIKE A.....i dont know? CASTLE? (sounds good enough... harhar)

Whatever it is, its not going to change the fact that I. Am. So. Going. To. Be. Dead. *Like im already not WTF enough*

OKEH, IM POOPED!

2010-11-25T18:00:00.003+08:00

OMG! IM LIKE SUPER THRILLED RIGHT NOW!!! SHIT, THIS IS SO COOOOOL!!!!!!

House of Night's "Awakened" is going to be completed and out by next year January!!!!!! And is it true that they're going to make a movie out of the books?!?!?!

I DO HOPE ITS TRUE!!!!!!!! I SOOOOO CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!! IM TOTALLY GOING TO WATCH THE MOVIE IF THERE REALLY IS ONE!!!!

And WHY!!!!!! WHY CANT "Awakened" BE OUT BY CHRISTMAS?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'(

Oh, and by the way, House Of Night definitely kicked butt out of Twilight. (House of Night is so much BETTER plus i never like Twilight -both the books and movies- since the first day it was out/made/aired)

Oops, and sorry to all Twilight fans.

Okeh, im off to watch Tinkerbell's cartoon/movie/whatever right now!!! (Really, my heart is sooo going to pop out from my mouth at the thought of "Awakened" being released!!!!! CRAP CRAP CRAP!!!!)

Will it really happen??? .....

2010-11-22T22:38:00.004+08:00

Theres one thing i'll never be able to handle in life no matter how many times it happened to me : Seperations / Partings

It makes me feel all abandoned and unwanted. Im really, really afraid that one day, both Joyce and Gary will forget about me.

The thoughts of them forgetting about me are highly disturbing and its bugging me for, like, ever.

Sometimes i cant even put how im feeling, into words... at least not veh well.

Just a moment then, i really did wished badly people could read my mind so things wouldnt be that complicated..

Seriously, fuck y'all... and no matter how i see things, im always alone.

2010-11-21T21:26:00.012+08:00

There are lots of selfish people in this world who only thinks about themselves. A lying human is the worst. (I do not mind lil' white lies but people who lie constantly should burn in hell; a horrible, fucking, lying hag/jerk is another totally different story, friggin' unforgivable.)

Well thanks a whole lot that i'hv been taught one valuable lesson from self-centered people to only put myself first regardless of anything.

It pissed me off so much. Everyone around me always act all innocent after doing shitty stuffs. I feel like poo right now.

The feelings of being betrayed time and again..... ahhhh, crap. Its like upset, hurt and angry all being mushed up together. Things are really tough for me right now. I just hope everything do work out somehow, in the end.

People who acted like they know me, okeh seriously, what d'you even know? Try being me for a second and you'll totally hurl.

I didnt have anything or anyone to begin with since primary school and i hope it'll make things much more easier for me to get by.

This is really tragic, isnt it.

House Of Night

2010-11-20T17:39:00.000+08:00

I bought new House Of Night Novels yesterday, 4 of them. Each of the book's cover page were somewhat mysterious.

Im starting on a book called "Marked" right now. This is the first House Of Night.

I'hv actually finished the 2nd book already. Its called "Betrayed" . My sister bought it in Taiwan and the cover page kinda grabbed my attention. LOL!

The House of Night Novels are totally un-put-downable and i really luv them! The story is about a girl named Zoey who has to undergo a change to become a full Vampire bc the Tracker "Marked" her.

If her body rejects the change, shes going to die. Yeah, her best friend, Stevie Rae, had already died. (It happened in book 2!)

Okeh The House Of Night Novels can only be summed up into a word : Awesome!

It was really well-written, entertaining and has an exciting, original take on the Vampire genre.

I'hv started reading it since long ago. But totally stopped as N level was nearing. Now, i can read for all i want!!! :-D

2010-11-20T03:25:00.001+08:00

Is slashing people becoming the new trend right now?

Monday blues

2010-11-15T17:49:00.001+08:00

Okeh the "White lining" on my lashes weren't glue. Its those "Shiny" stuff. I put my pictures on greyscale mode and i was afraid you guys couldnt tell so i gotta do some explaining! ;-)

The makeup on my face this time is totally real. Not edited, unlike all the others.

Maybe i would look much better without the false lashes, right?

Also, my eyes always itch like "theres no tomorrow" whenever i put on false lashes. :'( even though it gets better after a while, but still......

Joyce said my mouth looks weird on the picture below.

So.... my parents left Singapore this morning again. Its just me and my lil' sister now. I dont think im staying home tonight.

My house is totally empty and quiet. It wouldnt change anything even if i stayed.

Disappearance

2010-11-05T12:05:00.006+08:00

I had been feeling totally poo-ish lately and my sleep cycle was messed up. I'll be sleeping during the day and waking up around mid-night to look for food and i'll start watching Tv until the sun rises again before going to bed.

But for some reasons or another, i couldnt get to sleep at all for now. It was probably bc of all the coffee i consumed earlier this morning.

My life has been crappy since forever and im tired all day long even though i didnt really do anything much, which was kinda doing me a favour in a way bc i didnt really have much time to think about things and even if i DO, i'll get tired pretty easily and drift off to sleep in a moment.

Aiyo. Totally moodless right now. I cant handle the misery of being betrayed again. Not after i'hv finally cooled down a little after a year.

Hello? I took a year to "cool down a LITTLE" ?

Ahhhh, whatever.

Seriously, why? .....

why do these things always happen to me??? ...

Video ahead

2010-10-31T19:19:00.010+08:00

Okeh now, exactly how many times do we have to go through heart-breaking seperations in life????

Those who wants to watch the clip below, i suggest you guys click on the video and it'll direct you to youtube straight bc my blog's music cant be stopped. Yupp.

Its an interesting video by the way.

Its a short story of an "ahbeng"

Seriously if my husband(in future) were to be in this situation, im going to be like, "WTF?!?!?! WHY?????????" and i'll start bawling like a retard.

Sometimes guys just dont understand.

Class 4a3 - Just thought i could share this photo. ~

2010-10-30T18:24:00.000+08:00

Anyway,

I dont know why am i like this in the picture above. Okeh and i still have 3 more of my class photos but i like this one better.

depressed

2010-10-29T00:15:00.008+08:00

Everything i did was so unlike me it felt as though i had been replaced by pod people.

MY LIFE IS DAMN SCARY!!!!!!!!

One moment i will be over the moon and the next i'll fall down to a dark pit hole. Sometimes, i felt trapped too.

While typing this, im looking out the windows in my room; the sky is so dark and not even a single star is to be seen. To be honest, i feel so empty right now. :'(

Being around different people, i'hv learnt to put on a different mask as well. I just didnt want others to know about my true feelings regarding everything. They cant even relate to me so i guess its pointless.

I know im completely shutting myself up. But to be true i feel that its better this way.

Plus, its so totally unfair! Some people are so fucking mean to me. But when i know/saw something bad happened to them (things which i can relate to) my heart will go soft right then and there!!!!

-------------------------------------------

Anyway, 2 days ago i was so bored that i could practically die, i went to google and search for a "design your own dress" game.

I know it was vehvehveh childish of me to play a game like that but im still a girl after all, plus im just 16.. so, i guess its all right. Ahahaha!

Cute right!!!!!!! :-D

and i also found a really cute musicbox melody on youtube which i'hv been listening to for the whole of today.

A date under the starry sky. I wish everything will turn out better in future.

One of the high school memories

2010-10-23T17:34:00.004+08:00

Okeh right now, i really need some cute songs to lift my spirits up. I'hv been feeling kinda down lately. :'(

.........................................

I was going through the posts i'hv blogged way long ago. (For as long as 2 years?) I realised the way i replied tagboard messages were so damn childish i definitely couldnt let anyone ever see it again!!!

So, i'hv deleted them!!!! Ahahaha!!! :-D

and from what i remember, i saw a post from 2 years ago where there were alot of girls who wrote a bunch of rubbish to comment on the way i talk about THEM. (they even left their names down to let me know who wrote all those nonsensical stuffs. And of course, they were girls who go to the same school as me.)

Nownow, i bitch about who i want and blog about what i like. I can talk shit about you whenever i want, its going to be the same for now and the future. I cant help laughing whenever i thought about what happened back then. They bitch about people more than i do.

I guess i must'hv behaved as much of a clown back then just like them but i dont really care bc there were lots of other MORE embarrassing stuffs i did when i was younger and i hope whoever witnessed those incidents better remove that part of memory out of their brains!!!

Again, another year is going to go by pretty soon.

Sickness + New friend

2010-10-19T23:56:00.002+08:00

My kidneys are hurting me these few days. Last year, i was hospitalised for a week or 2 due to this, but i never thought the pain would ever come back.

The pain now, is still tolerable though. Unlike last year, which i swear, i wished i was better off dead. And i had to have needles being poked into my veins the whole time i was in the hospital.

And there was an injection which was a MUST for me, stang my veins like hell its as though fire were being insert into it! My mom was with me the whole time and she laughed. -,- (i do know shes worried about me at that time. But its annoying being lol'ed at when you're in pain.)

I also had to do many scannings. The nurse also inserted some kind of weird liquid into my veins every night and it hurt for awhile, but after that, it was all right. (It kinda itch.)

Ohwell, it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. But honestly, i didnt want to tell my parents about my kidneys hurting now. I DO NOT want another fire-stinging injection, i NEVER EVER want needles being poked into my veins again!! It was horrible!!!

Okeh, and i made a new friend today. She looks like a 2 in 1 person. (Vampire/Monster + Human)

Joyce created my new friend for me. Isn't she the cutest??? LOL!

Song of healing

2010-10-18T01:41:00.005+08:00

"I really, really hate it when i see other people having fun out there while i have to sit here in self-despair" was what i thought awhile ago.

But at least for today, i want to push all sadness and despairs out of my life. Happiness is what im after right now. Whether i'll be alone or not in future or whatever, i want it. :-)

I know it sounds ridiculous but a song motivated me to move forward with my life.

I hope when im awake later, i'll feel happier than before.

I just cant stand here and do nothing about it while chances after chances, slip by before my eyes. Its just wrong.

No matter how much i wanted to change myself in the past, im still me. Somehow, i just cant seem to throw "me" away. Ahaha. I wonder why...

And i really want the musicbox above. I know it seems like a kid's toy but it plays all of my favourite melodies!!!!

But i dont know where i can get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :'(

Vicious-maids alert.

2010-10-14T02:21:00.004+08:00

Im really interested in a song recently and i'hv been searching for that musicsheet everywhere but i couldnt find it. There isnt one for piano though.

WHYYYYYYYYY????????? :'(

I know there IS a piano sheet for that song, but i just cant find it!!!!!!

And yeah, like i said on my previous post, i'hv been watching animes for as long as im awake so there really isnt much things happening in my life.

But i do know that i have a vehveh vicious maid at home. >:'(

As far as i can remember, when i was a kid, the maids were all nice and sweet so my family got along pretty well with them. Including me.

But the maid that is currently in my house, boy you wouldnt want to try living with her for 2 friggin' years and i mean it.

The previous maid i had, she was nowhere near as good bc she used to spread untrue rumours about my parents to other maids whos living just beside my home. (she pretended to faint to the ground and shiver badly, her motive was to change employer to go work with her sister. It was pretty dumb of her. Even though my mom called an ambulance, but she totally knew the maid was pretending and left her on the ground and ignored her -,- i feel like laughing thinking back what she had done. It was so fake!)

My house's chores were pretty simple compared to other homes so my current maid always have free time from 8pm - 11pm and she'll chat on her phone (with MY simcard + my father's spare phone) with her friends for hours and hours.

She laughs like a hyena and when shes talking, her voice is so loud i can hear it even in my room. It is fucking annoying.

She likes "giving black face" and will always show her attitude around the house when shes not happy with something. She never ever apologise when she did something really, really bad.

My mom always tell the other previous maids off when they made a mistake, but this current one, my mom seems to side her on ALL MOST everything even though not all.

Today, my maid dropped my laptop's battery on the ground, it was bad enough she never fucking apologise, she even gave me that "stupid black face" as if it was MY fault and i swear i felt like tearing her face apart at that point of time.

There was once my granny came over to stay in my house for a few nights, the maid totally treated her like shit.

When my granny talked to her, the maid took her like she was thin air and ignored her. I was coming out from my room to refill my water-bottle and saw what happened so i told the maid off.

My granny bought fruits in the morning and said it was for her high blood pressure, on the same day the maid brushed her off (Can fruits really help in high blood pressure?). Anyway, the maid stole the fruits and ate them but never did she expect my granny saw it.

Okeh lar, i know everything i said above sounded abit drama-like which only happens on Tv-shows. But i swear its all true.

And yay the maid is leaving this coming december!!!! :-D

Anime-addict

2010-10-13T03:39:00.001+08:00

I dont talk to people and i hardly step out of my room now. I am always glued to animes for as long as im awake. Ahaha!

My perfect 10

2010-10-11T00:56:00.008+08:00

Decided to change my blogsong to this bc its so friggin' cute!!! :-D

And i realised that everyone i know are not interested in Vocaloids at all. Only me..... But WHY??????????????
Its cute y'know!!!!!!!

Okeh anyway, i was really overjoyed! Yesterday was the day Snail and i had known each other for 2 years. And i received 3 really cool presents from him!!! :-D 10q veh much!

By the way, i saw lots of people saying that its 10/10/10 on facebook. Y'know, coincidentally, it was Snail and my day too. Ahaha!

So, i was over at Snail's house, watching Full Moon wo Sagashite's last episode and My Neighbour Totoro right after that.

I wouldnt have watched Totoro if i'd found some new nice animes to watch. See, when i was still having school, i watched animes non-stop till late midnight and couldnt get up in time for school the next morning.

And now that school's over, i have nothing to watch at all!!! :'(

Light beginning to shine in

2010-10-09T00:33:00.002+08:00

Last night, my text message conversation with Z about Rochelle got me so fucking angry i feel like tossing both of them off the building. -,-

And anyway, shes the girl who came into my life unknowingly together with Z and N to ruin it all. After i blogged about my previous post, i really settled down and think. Yeah, as in really, really think about it.

I picked myself up pretty fast this time round. (My life is full of distress so im used to it by now.)

And after i posted my previous post, the first ever encouraging formspring message was from an anonymous person who said this, "hello! -throws cookies- I guess Z is missing out on what you truly are. I am sure you two will sort things out. I know it is none of my business but i felt that feeling before. Subscribing to your blog for updates -wink- -wink- -dash- -dash-"

Honestly, i was really happy and i read it over and over again. Its like, at least i know somebody out there can relate to me. :-) 10q.

I am FREE!!!!!!!!!!

2010-10-08T16:27:00.003+08:00

YES!!!!!!!! Finally im free from Secondary School now. I'hv decided to go to other schools of my choice even though im in the Normal Academic stream.

Okeh so basically, it just means that im not going to continue going to sec5.

Secondary School is a hellhole for me this past 4 years, but somehow, i'll miss it! Today is the best day of my life to wake up and realised that N is over!!!!! :-D

I'll update a proper post later on. Maybe during the night or tomorrow morning! Stay tune and 10q for all the nice messages in formspring!!!! :-) I really appreciate that!

By the way, i photoshopped the woman below. She looked so much prettier with makeups right!!!!!

Puppet, Myself(?)

2010-10-05T05:58:00.008+08:00

R will forever be a pure angel in Z's eyes, i have no idea why.

He said that im a trash and garbage. Without feeling he's at fault when i did nothing wrong, he continued abusing me verbally. He must'hv thought its fun to see me fall down that dark pit hole i guess.

Killing the confidence in me, killing my hopes. Getting scolded all the time, and being ignored.

Why am i being constantly forced into things i dislike doing? I just want to do something i really, really am interested in for a change.

Nobody is giving me support though. People either say really daft things about it to crush my dreams or they just ignored it. (I prefer them ignoring than to speak a word about it negatively.)

This year, theres 3 really annoying person whos affecting my life majorly, in a bad way. And one of them, is actually a person i care about alot. I'll just name it person Z.

Z keeps trying to pull down the confidence in me by saying a whole lot of craps, running me down like it didnt hurt. Saying that i am in no position to compare with R and N.

I didnt deny that my studies are in no way to compare with them. But that doesnt mean i cant do something else. But why must Z crush my hope like this???

Z even said this to me earlier, "N is going to Australia and further her studies while R is in JC. How can you even win them??" in a tone which shows slight gloat and obvious sarcasm.

I told Z i didnt care about what others are saying, which is a big fat lie. What others are saying, its hurting me. Gihugicly lot!

Right, i may not be as pretty as N and R, and my studies really suck majorly compared to them both, but i just wanted to protect the things i'hv left that they DIDNT have.

Its no joke getting your life controlled and your dreams being crushed EVERY SINGLE DAY.

So, do i :

1) Live up to other people's expectations?

2) Persue my own dreams and ignore others?

Plus, how can i even put feelings into doing something i strongly dislike????????

Honestly, sometimes i feel really sad. Its like, whenever i wanted to voice out what i disagree to others, they just keep pushing my words down and evetually, my words were left unsaid, i didnt have any say. At all.

Another berry day

2010-09-29T19:45:00.000+08:00

I got chastised by my art teacher today for not bringing my prep work to school. Its not really what they thought, though. I did brought it to school.

I just didnt want them seeing it, thats all. Bc i really, really dislike them rejecting something i spent the whole day doing.

Okeh lar, not rejecting my work exactly, they just have ALOT of negative things to say. I mean, yeah, people gotta criticize your work in order to improve better.

But i just hate it and its not like im even going to change the work i'hv done after they criticised it. I just want to keep them the way it is. Bc its my work. :'(

Ahahaha and today i made Joyce into a strawberry girl :-D

and i just realised one thing, all of my friends are beautiful.

Friends

2010-09-25T14:56:00.002+08:00

Last night was the first time in our whole of 4 years being friends, talked to each other about how we truly felt about certain things. Things that we just let it pass by us without saying a word.

I thought Joyce was just being unreasonable as there was once, she refused to let me get back together with Gary and even said that if i do, our friendship will come to an end.

But it wasnt like what i thought at all. Seriously, the reason why i have the guts to take a step further into "doing dangerous things" is bc im sure even if i failed,

Joyce will always be there to pick me up and comfort me. And i dont believe all the crappy things people said about her AND Gary in formspring at all.

I kind of know who said horrible things about Gary on my formspring already. I am sure it was that person bc.... i just know. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Miku is dancing yay.

Stank bitch

2010-09-22T19:03:00.002+08:00

Im in deep shit with alot of school stuffs right now. Its as though like i cant breathe when one thing hit me after another.

Okeh hell, its bad enough i flunked almost all of my subjects, then recently, something totally stupid(okeh i said stupid but i have no idea why its bugging me like crazy) has to spring on me like failing almost every subject wasnt bad enough.

Hidayah that stank bitch has to rub it in by doing so much mean stuffs to me and my friend. -,- and i hate it vehveh much when i have to see "that look" on her face she shot me every morning when i entered the school.

Yeah, i know, people will say, "Big deal! Its just a look. Get over it."

Its NOT and NEVER just a look. Its so much more than that. Anyway, since its kind of "N level period" now and shes a teacher, i have to hold back my anger and swallow it down no matter what.

To be true, i wonder how long can i still tolerate all these bc its the longest i'hv tolerated something i strongly dislike and it stinks.

Lets just put it this way, i swear i'hv never tolerated something i disliked at all. Normally i'll just spit out my thoughts if i hated someone/something terribly much.

Okeh, after N, i'll definitely, and i swear, i'll............................... (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) AHYA JUST GET LOST LAR BITCH!!!!!!!

>:'(

I totally changed and my bad attitude is gone, compared to last year. Yet every teacher still thinks that im that unreasonable rude kid from 3a3 from year 2009. People just recognised me as THAT.

I just wanted people to recognise me now as a totally new person from 4a3 instead.

FINE, im just upset. :'(

A dream within a dream

2010-09-20T01:28:00.004+08:00

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Finally a day off from school tomorrow!

Life is just a dream on the way to death. When we're asleep and dreaming, it is just a dream within a dream. If hope has flown away in the night, your ultimate destiny is to stay with me and you will feel pleasures of happiness for eternity.

I then took his hand and walked through the cemetery, on the way to the labyrinth of dreams.

"Girls should just wear pretty dresses and smile happily." He said.

Seriously, you'hv got to be kidding me. Plus, why does Hidayah have to roll her friggin' eyes at me all the time? I do miss my pringles...

Bummer

2010-09-18T22:47:00.005+08:00

I got chastised by a girl today. And its really not fair man. I was just trying to be nice! Ahahahaha.

Actually, im beginning to think that "Gary hanging out with a girl name Koey" is just a misunderstanding. I really do not think its the same Gary. Ohhwell.

I'hv been working my ass off the prelim's art even though i did it last minute... but my final piece will never make it bc i sort of doodled it all over like a 5-year-old's drawing.

Straight after prelim's art, we got our N level's art question paper. -,- now im going to miss watching my anime (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Keiluv is my all-time fav.

New look

2010-09-13T23:05:00.007+08:00

In case you guys are wondering, the girl in the picture below, is yours truly. :-D
This is the first time im going for this kind of look, though.

I dont know whether you guys feel the same way,

but i always feel that kind of happiness that cannot be explained verbally when watching anime. Thats why im always glue to the screen, watching it 24/7.

Ah, hell. Tests are coming up everyday on topics i'hv never covered before.

My blog is such a bore. Theres nothing interesting going on in my life which resulted in my boring post. Ohhwell.

Trapped

2010-09-10T15:22:00.003+08:00

Sometimes being alone feels so overwhelming in the night i actually thought im going to fade away in the background of a cemetery as the wind blows.

Help.

It is really pathetic to have to lie everyday in order to keep up your relationship with me. And quit lying dude. I know it when you do. Even though i'hv no prove and whatsoever, i just knew.

2010-09-04T15:21:00.001+08:00

TELL ME A SECRETZ

Good Tuesday and Wednesday

2010-09-01T15:31:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a killer. I became a Santa Claus to all my favourite teachers by giving out cards and presents to them.

Miss Melissa Lim was not in the staffroom so it meant that i had to walk around the whole school to look for her but it was definitely worth it bc i luv all the happy looks teachers had on their faces yesterday when they received presents and cards.

Especially the happy look on Mdm Soh and Mr Chong. I know that in a million years they would never have expected me buying gifts for them as i'hv always hated them.(that was last year.) My parents were in shocked too, when i came home with bags of gifts the other day and my parents asked whos it for and when they heard MrChong and MdmSoh's name, they actually went, "HUH?! BUT I THOUGHT YOU ALWAYS HATED THEM?!"

Honestly, i never regret buying gifts for them bc it actually broke the ice between the teachers and me. Plus i got today off from school!!!! Which is awesome!!!! The alarm ringing non-stop every morning is killing me. -,-

Gary and i were webcamming each other a few nights ago. We'hv been so caught up with our own things that we only meet each other up like, on the weekends? Yupp.

I kind of like webcamming now, but no way am i going to go on webcam with Gary already. He threatened to upload picture of me which was friggin' 2 years ago, on facebook. Ohhhwell.

Its such a bliss to be able to have 13 hours of undisturbed sleep.

Bigbig test coming up on the topic i'hv never covered before. Fuck. Seriously.

Freaking out

2010-08-29T15:30:00.000+08:00

Joyce and i were webcamming each other at 3a.m 2 nights ago. And i was without makeup(I mean, obviously, who wears makeup to bed, right? =D)

So please keep awful comments to yourself, thankyewvehmuch! :-)

And you would not believe theres 7 more days to N. It just seems like yesterday when i first got into Sec4. I hope i dont hyperventilate on the exam day and pass out due to major panic!!!

I cannot and i really mean it, I CANNOT, do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am going to be the only one sitting for the N exams who knows nothing about all the subjects!!!!

I am so deadcxz, seriously.

2010-08-21T15:20:00.000+08:00

Dear You,

Its been awhile now, since the last time.......... If we started at 10, then how did things change? Seems just like yesterday when things were still the same...

Lizard attack

2010-07-18T15:29:00.000+08:00

(Okeh, before you guys continue reading this, let me give a small warning first. Those who cannot stand gruesome pictures/videos or whatever, its best that you do not read ahead anymore.)

So, last night when i was about to go get a glass of water out in the kitchen, theres a fucking BIG, and FAT lizard outside my door.

As y'all know, i am vehvehveh frightened of cockroaches, lizards, etc. When i saw that fat, disgusting thing, my first reaction was to close the door - AND FAST!

Y'know what? I could feel something rubbery stuck to my door as i was closing it, causing me to have to actually force the door closed.

And this morning when i woke up, i happyhappy walk around my house to look for the lizard and was so sure it must'hv gone out the window, into someone else's house.

TO MY HORROR, just as i was opening my room door, bc i wanted to go back to sleep, i saw something weird sticking out of the corner of it,

and then i swear i got the SHOCK OF MY LIFE and feeling of vomitage ever since. You guys want to know why? Look at the picture below :

(Oh. My. God. I am so sorry, lizard.)

Regrets

2010-06-26T15:28:00.000+08:00

Why did i read Gary's letter this morning instead of reading it straight away like he keep asking me to!?!? Bc after reading the letter, i have so much things to tell him.

Why did i stupidly believed that everything was going to be okeh??? Why hadn't i insist looking for him these past few days?? ..

I only then understand what happened after Gary's mom told me some things : He felt as terrible as i did yesterday.
I always knew that we were different from others in a way. But its too late now...

Parents going away + Gary's letter.

2010-06-26T15:26:00.000+08:00

My parents have decided to go Hongkong for a vacation straight when my sister is back from Taiwan. Which is around 2 weeks from now.

Obviously i can't go bc i have school!!! (At first i thought i can go together with them and get away from school. But obviously my parents shot down my perfect idea :-( )

And my parents will be having Granny come over to our house while they are gone.

So its Me + Granny + Dog + Maid at home.

Anyway. Gary came to my house and passed me a letter yesterday. Seriously i was so afraid what will be inside that letter i totally stuffed it in my cupboard and refused to read it.

Until this morning i received a text message from him around 8.30a.m then i remembered that letter.

I immediately tore open that letter and read it.

Well... all i can say is, i hope he mean what he said in that letter. I know we'hv been through alot of things during these past 2 years,

and we'hv definitely drifted from each other so much bc he went back to school again and sort of have his own life now.

Okeh and honestly i never expected things would change SO much just bc he went back to school. Plus it totally didn't make sense on why he did those things with the reasons he told me.

And theres alot of questions i'hv been dying to know but still, he chose to ignore it.

But no matter what, i still hope he mean what he said bc it means alot to me. Also, i hope that he's fine and that nothing bad will happen to him.

And i'll miss my parents when they're not around :-(

Double blow in a day.

Hellhole for a month

2010-05-31T15:25:00.000+08:00

Once again, i have no photos :( ohhwell..

Theres nothing much interesting going on as well. I believe i'hv been facing my computer the moment i wake up right until its time for bed.

My life is a complete bore. At least, right until this coming holiday. I am NOT at all enthusiastic about it.

I dont see a reason i should be... seeing as how i have to go back to school EVERY SINGLE DAY, like it is not bad enough our chemistry teacher threw us a bunch of homeworks DURING THE HOLIDAY.

Dont even get me started on how a few months back, our school actually decided that graduating classes should start school from 7.30a.m to 5p.m, or something like that.

Which totally bummed quite a number of people out, now that you think about it.

God, June holiday is not even here yet, - Well, at least not until midnight anyway.. - and im already dreading it.

It really breaks my heart to imagine how i have to spend June holiday facing what i have been facing practically my whole life : a school :( thats the saddest thing...

Still doll

2010-05-15T15:23:00.000+08:00

Since when did my life start becoming so complicated? I thought i can always back out of things i got myself into if i do not like it.

But apparently, i cant do that. I have to finish what i started. Its a huge mess i tell you. You just have no idea how it is to be living like everything's not real,

everyday.

I'hv had her for quite some time now. But i keep forgetting to show you guys her pictures.

Right from the start, Gary never free me from the questions in my mind. Even when i asked a thousand times,

i never got my answer. He told me things that has got nothing to do with what i wanna know.

Jiaenelideman

Rain is grace

Boring chinese new year *yawnz*

Im not arguing. Im simply explaining why im right.

Add-on to yesterday's post!

>:'(

I AM SICKKKK! WHY NOW..... T.T

I am so happy (♥-♥)

What a day to start off with. Zzz.

Bestfriends for 6 years starting from 2012 (^..^) - True tears

Growing up.

Money-minded people and funny pictures. ($_$)

Laughs. You are waaaaay past my expiry date.

(#_#) I. AM. VERY. VERY. ANGRY!!!! No amount of honeystar will put out the fire.

:') Rainy mood

_|_

A shortshort post from a vehveh tired girl namely me. ~ ^..^

I luv snail everyday and i missed Joyce.

Issues with trust and hell, im gonna make Mr. Sugandha so sorry for ignoring me on every thursday and friday by handing in my assignments on time! >:'(

Give me a few days and i promise i'll be back! ~

I totally have a vehveh good excuse for being gone on too long! I feel like my life is soooo over now. )':

Hypervantilating (SAVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Drowning in my own lungs tissue and die in a pool of blood

Whenever i feel like crap i'll look like one too

Christmas Star

No friends bc i was ugly. HELLO????? Thanks a whole lot to my ugliness my primary school life sucked badly! I'hv also drawn a few pictures to make up a short story :-D

Mixture of stuffs in this post so..... its TITLE-LESS (Harhar! Untitled)

Stupid music stories (you can choose to skip this post bc its practically crap BUT DO NOT skip my animated dancer thankyewehmuch! :-D)

Totally worn out.

Im sorry, just a short update with a few pictures. Im like vehveh tired right now and my brain cant function enough to let me do a proper post.

Killed

Playing makeups with Joyce the Ghost-girl. (Cross my heart and hope to die those makeups on our faces were real, not edited)

Sorry bout' that! I'hv been posting up things that comes into my mind recently even though it totally doesnt make even a lil' sense

OKEH, IM POOPED!

Will it really happen??? .....

Seriously, fuck y'all... and no matter how i see things, im always alone.

House Of Night

Monday blues

Disappearance

Video ahead

Class 4a3 - Just thought i could share this photo. ~

depressed

One of the high school memories

Sickness + New friend

Song of healing

Vicious-maids alert.

Anime-addict

My perfect 10

Light beginning to shine in

I am FREE!!!!!!!!!!

Puppet, Myself(?)

Another berry day

Friends

Stank bitch

A dream within a dream

Bummer

New look

Trapped

Good Tuesday and Wednesday

Freaking out

Lizard attack

Regrets

Parents going away + Gary's letter.

Hellhole for a month

Still doll

Boring chinese new year yawnz